THE LATEST PRESIDENTIAL APPROVAL RATING POLL SHOWS THAT NEARLY 1/3 OF AMERICANS ARE FUCKING IDIOTS
Which is why I smack 1 out of every 3 people I see with a sack of batteries.

I PREFER CAUCASIAN-AMERICAN
Honkey and cracker are examples of the damage words can do. But we�ve got gentrification on our side, and it does way more damage.

WHATEVER DOESN'T KILL YOU
MAKE IT STRONGER
Or just do more of it. It�s like getting stabbed with a butter-knife by a midget.
It may take a while, but eventually
it�ll get the job done.

FUCK RED BULL
RIDE THE WHITE PONY
Side-effects of cocaine use include: increased blood pressure, decreased appetite and parents that won�t get off
my fucking back.

MY LIFE SUCKS, BUT THE
SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE AWESOME
And the best part is that there is absolutely no way there�s going to be a sequel.

GUN OF SOD
And somewhere Carrot Top is crying because he didn�t think of this first.

THIS SHIRT AVAILABLE IN HD
Try hi-def and you�ll never go back to conventional TV again. Once you�ve seen a midget jerk off a horse in HD, nothing less will do.

I SUPPORT SINGLE MOMS
It's time to sit down and declare your support for single moms. Won't you lend a lap?

COPPER DIGGER
This one goes out to all the ladies who are out to get theirs. By "theirs" I mean baloney sandwiches and shoes from the Salvation Army.

I'LL FUCK THE FAT FRIEND
I was born to be a wing-man. I get to fuck fat, ugly chicks and my friend buys my drinks because he thinks I hate it.

LADIES DON'T SPIT
The rules of etiquette clearly state that a lady keeps her elbows off the table. Oh, and she has to pay for half of the abortion.

BARRY TAKES IT IN THE ASS
"Oh, so it�s not a big deal when Mark McGwire does it, but now that it�s a black player it�s a problem?" Exactly. It�s just like rape.

IF A FAT GIRL FALLS IN THE WOODS
DO THE TREES LAUGH?
Life is filled with existential quandaries. Like "Who let the dogs out?" and "Where�s the beef?" And "Why does my wife stay in an abusive relationship?"

CANADIANS ARE EH'HOLES
Let�s see... A joke about Canadians... geez, I�ve got nothing. This is like trying to make fun of a tree or a river. Call me when we add a retard shirt.

THOUSANDS OF MY POTENTIAL CHILDREN DIED ON YOUR
DAUGHTER'S FACE LAST NIGHT
It�s good to let your kids experience new things. I usually just let them play in my socks or swim in my toilet.

πMP
"Bitch betta� have my money! And she betta� remember to factor in the costs of condoms and multiply by .2 to figure out her cut."

I'M THE ONE YOU GOTTA BLOW
TO GET A DRINK AROUND HERE
You know what? I'm a pretty generous person. I'll go ahead and get you two drinks. Three if you promise not to call.

HOPELESS ROMANTIC
SEEKS FILTHY WHORE
And if the hopeless romantic's search is successful, he will soon after begin his search for ointments, antibiotics and a rare shampoo that comes with a very little comb.

TOOL - NOT THE BAND
I'M JUST A TOOL
I�m glad you can finally admit it. Now you can finally start your side-project, A Perfect Circle Jerk.

000110 000110 000110
EVIL GENIUS
I don�t believe in binary code. Either a code is straight or it�s not. Binary code is just being selfish.

WHITE FLOUR!
Nuthin' says lovin' like being shoved in an oven!" He got poked in the stomach one too many times, which is exactly how Hitler got started.

I BET YOU'LL VOTE NEXT TIME HIPPIE
Did you vote with the majority...and stay home? Nice going.

BAAAAAA MEANS NOOOOO!
You always hurt the one ewe that you love, unless you use ewes that use lube.

WHO NEEDS BIG TITS?
WHEN YOU HAVE AN ASS LIKE THIS
I couldn't poop for two days because my ass was swollen shut. I never saw you, but you violated me, you bastard jellyfish.

I KNOW VIOLENCE ISN'T THE ANSWER
I GOT IT WRONG ON PURPOSE
"Cut off your head and shit down your throat. I'm sorry, Alex. WHAT IS cut off your head and shit down your throat?"

REMINDER: BUY MORE BEER
(MIRROR WRITING)
This is not just a shirt: it's also a handy reminder, every time you look in the mirror, of your number 1 priority for the day.

STOP CLUBBING BABY SEALS
They never buy a round, they dance too close, and their breath smells of herring.

FUCK Y**!!
Censorship is necessary to maintain America�s morality and decency. This shirt description brought to you by the FCC.

2 DRINKS AWAY FROM
GIRL ON GIRL ACTION
2 drinks or, if you don�t want to wait for those to kick in, just flash a c-note. Just as good.

THIS SHIRT IS WRITTEN IN HOMOSEXUAL, CAN YOU READ IT?
Sorry you had to find out this way. And by the way, the sentence you�re reading right now can only be read by people with cancer.

IF I HAD BALLS THEY WOULD BE BIGGER THAN YOURS
At first glance this appears to be a "girls only" shirt, but don�t forget about the Eunuchs (like God did).

THIS SHIRT IS ONLY BLUE WHEN
I'M THINKING ABOUT DWARVES
If a dwarf buys this shirt, I�m sorry to say that this shirt will simply burst into flame immediately after you put it on. I�m kidding. We don�t sell to dwarves.

HOW DARE I WEAR THIS
GODDAMN SHIRT IN FRONT OF
YOUR FUCKING KIDS?!
Most people think children are the future, but I think they're the present. Which is why I'm not allowed within 100 ft. of a school.

I'LL BE USING THESE
TO MY ADVANTAGE
The Maidenform company was founded in 1922, starting the convention of naming cup sizes A through D.

ABRACADABRA!...
FUCK, YOU'RE STILL UGLY
Well, that didn�t work. I guess I�ll have to saw you in half. Who said anything about
a trick?

FUCK THE COLORBLIND
Roses are red, violets are blue: that's true for me, but not for you! Just one more way to taunt the visually challenged.

GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM
AND/OR COLLEGE!
Show your support for your favorite overpaid athlete and/or subpar student!

1,000,000 MARCHERS FOR
IMMIGRATION RIGHTS - 1 CAR
Everyone thought seeing 1,000,000 marchers was impressive, but when you think about it, that�s only, like, one family.

SUPPORT MY TROOPS
And I'm not talking about some empty gesture like buying a ribbon. I'm saying you better let them set up camp in one of three locations.

I'M PART OF THE PROBLEM
When people tell you that you're part of the problem, they're generally being polite. Knowing you, you're the whole problem.

IF THIS IS ON YOUR FLOOR TOMORROW... WE TOTALLY FUCKED
(now go make me some breakfast, bitch)
Make fucking an important part of your balanced breakfast. Stick milk, juice, toast, cereal, and a grapefruit up your ass.